Circumstances such as being a burden and being abandoned have made me have to rely solely on God and myself. I never looked at it as pride I looked at it as I know I can count on me. People posing as "friends" to get what they can out of me, then when I need them they turn their backs on me. Empty promises from those I held dear to me. People talk a great talk but few actually are selfless. So I let their walk be their conversation but I often get hurt on the journey. Conditional love is what they give me, as long as it is convenient for them. I find myself asking God is it me, something I did or said. I may not have a lot but I give everything I can and have because I am my brother's keeper and I live to give. I love hard because of Who is in me and the love, mercy and forgiveness He gives daily. So I am able to give it to others. At the same time, I don't feel worthy to be loved. I don't know how to receive love. Never have. It is also difficult for me to receive acknowledgment of good works. It is extremely hard for me to hear a compliment. Because of all this, I often push people away when they get too close, because I feel there is a limit to the love they have for me. As soon as things are not going their way, they are out of my life. My name is Sweet Bee and I have a problem asking for help and receiving love. I am a work in progress and trying to be Perfect as my father is perfect (Matthew 5:48). Please pray for me. I just became transparent!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment